Diary of a Goddess
by Elendil2
Summary: *finished* ok, this is just a bit of fun on my part....i'm a classix student, and i decided to do a diary of Athene. Enjoy, and review please :)
1. Happy Birth Day to me!

I don't think I have to do a disclaimer- the Greek gods belong to anyone? If any of the named deities feel hard done by with my descriptions of their behaviour then if they e-mail me I will be happy to set the record straight ;)  
  
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Dear Diary  
  
Born today, thankfully. There is only so long you can stay cooped up in one place without getting bored out of your mind- or out of Zeus' mind, in this case! And let me tell you, the casing of dear Daddy might be nice, but the inside is the most sordid thing you have ever come across! When you are party to all his thoughts, and he happens to think about sex an awful lot, well....I have decided my New Life's Resolution is to be one of those virgin Goddess' I have heard so much about. All that messing about with sunbeams and swans, just think of the time and expense I will save!  
When I came out there was a bit of a gathering- no one had any idea that I was about to be born, they just thought that father dear had a bit of a headache, and even then they thought it might be attention seeking. There was one reporter there though, luckily, so my birth was witnessed and recorded for posterity. The bloke did a small carving of it, I suppose that not many people will be very interested as, looking at the other gods around me, I must only have some small role to take, the good ones must all have gone to the other people who got here first. Maybe some selected assassination will be in order...  
Anyway, life on Olympus is much better from the inside than the out. I think the other gods were a bit disturbed at my birth. Well, it is hardly my fault if they have never seen a fully grown and armed goddess pop out of her father's head, is it? My sister Aphrodite [also my cousin and sister-in-law, it is quite convenient] came to give me the, as she put it, low down on life as a goddess. From what I could make out from her endless stories of lovers, it seem as to come down to laying down a few rules, smiting the people who break them, and the rest you can do whatever you feel like with. Most of them seem to choose sex. I told Aphrodite of my plan to be a virgin goddess, you sort of shrugged but I suppose she put it down to childishness- after all, I am only a few hours old! I suppose though, either you'd have to go for a brother-and-cousin or a mortal, neither of which sounds that good to me. Aphrodite dragged me off to some party organised by Hestia for me- what a sad life that goddess must lead. Even I, the goddess of a few hours, does not have time to organise a huge party within the space of a few hours. Later on, I caught sight of Aphrodite pulling down our brother Ares behind the snack table, so I suppose I know where she stands on the virgin-goddess thing. Or, at that precise moment, lay down flat on her back at the whole issue.  
By half-past eleven there was incest going on left right and centre, along with some crimes against nature- the human body should not be able to assume those positions! Bored, I went to have a little chat with Artemis. Big mistake. She is one of the most boring people I have ever spoken to- and I spent nine months inside a god's head talking to the earwigs! Artemis says that she is dedicated to being a virgin goddess, when it is painfully obvious that she is totally in love with Apollo- but it seems that even gods draw the line at marrying your twin brother. Whipped out my 'guide to goddessing for the modern woman' [written, or soon will be, by me] and wrote down my first rule  
#1 always be hypocritical of other god's behaviour when it imitates your own, especially if their eternal happiness is involved  
I think I will be needing that one a lot!  
Well, that was my first night as a goddess- or even as an alive creature. I suppose tomorrow I will find out what my job is going to be- but do I want to know? Night!  
  
  
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Is this just me being weird, or does anyone want me to continue it? I won't add another chapter until I have, erm, 5 positive reviews. So please review it! 


	2. War-and-wisdom

Dear Diary  
  
Yuck, I woke up this morning with a really bad pain in my head, for a moment I thought that I might be pregnant or something. I could not remember for the life of me what happened last night, thankfully my dairy was written so I established that I hadn't done anything dodgy. Well, I did something stupid in talking to Artemis, but that was just childish ignorance.  
It was, in fact, a very stupid thing to do. Hera sent for me to come and be given my godly assignment, which I was ever so slightly nervous about, expecting to be given something like 'goddess of dung-beatles, or anything equally repulsive. It was like my first job interview or something, I worried all the way there about what my hair looked like, whether she would approve of my outfit- then I remembered that Hera is my mother and therefore, by some strange and constant factor would despise what I was wearing. I would put this in my god rule book, except I think that it is just a rule for mothers in general, nothing to do with being a goddess. Depressing, isn't it? I think mother dearest is slightly annoyed that I'm not an actual baby, I don't have to wear any of those goddess-awful baby romper suits and stuff though, which is of course a bonus for me. Plus I mean, yesterday morning she didn't have a daughter called Athene, she just had a husband with a really bad headache...now she has me, and a hangover. Thankfully though, I miss the traumas of childhood- all the rubbish with falling over and scraping your knees, your first crush, talking in a stupid voice and having people say 'wooda-wooda' to you, as if that would mean anything even to a baby! Nope, straight onto adulthood and my first job, none of that lazing about for me, it's going to be the life of a goddess of crappy things for me, I assumed.  
Well, got to Hera's place and was brought in with a formal sort of smile- you know, the ones which people have whilst their eyes are saying 'you're scum compared to me, but I have to be nice to you as you're the [insert 'no good punk' if appropriate] kid of my boss' Almost pulled my first teenage strop, but just as I was getting ready to start, Hera came out and gave me such a mighty...glare that I changed my mind about how wise that would be. Plenty of time for that in the future, I thought, giving evil stares at the goddess who had let me in. Hehe.  
Hera sat me down in front of her desk, which was really weird as goddesses should not have big desks. For some reason I was in a chair that went round and round, which I did a couple of times until Hera glared at me, so I ground slowly to a halt and tried to look mature and dignified. She started speaking to me in a very soft voice, telling me how I had come to be with them in a very strange set of circumstances, although of course no one will actually tell me how I managed to come to be inside Zeus' head, which sucks a bit. Anyway, eventually, after explaining a huge amount of time on Olympic ethos, work practices and stuff, she came to give me my placement. I got- drum roll please- war and wisdom. Hmm. Do they go together? I suppose they are better than I thought that they would be, but...they seem like an odd combination. Not to mention that the god of war is that Ares bloke, who definitely seems like a dodgy sort of person to me. I am sure I can do a well better job than him, although us sharing a job might mean that I have to talk to him once in a while. I think I'll put a bit more emphasis on the wisdom side- it's cool that it is a female to get the role of being wise, I approve already.   
Was very pleased coming out of Hera's room, not only as I had a job that rocked, but as she was glaring at me and stuff. Talked to Hermes on my way back to my room- apparently Hera hates me as I'm not her kid! But Zeus thinks that I'm the coolest thing before sliced bread, and made me get the job as he didn't want me to be the wimpy one Hera had to mind [goddess of no-significant value or impact, or, although I wince to say what I almost became *sigh* the goddess of flowers and grasses. Because yes, a child is born fully armed from her Dad's head, and your first thought is 'bet flower arrangers would like to pray to her' Freak]  
Anyway, that was about it for the day, I spent the rest hiding in my room as I heard that Artemis, Hestia and Demeter all wanted to congratulate me upon my job, and I really did not fancy being bored to death before my first day on the job!  
  
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review please so that I can tell if this is working out- sorry if it was not that funny, it's one of those annoying chapters to develop the basis for a plot- and I am making excuses, sorry :P 


	3. Learning curve

Dear Diary,  
This being a goddess of war and wisdom is the coolest thing ever. I am sorry that I have not written in here for a while, but there has been a lot going on that just made me forget to write in here and everything. Don't worry, I hope to now give you a huge long recount of everything so that you're all up-to-date with the events in the fast moving life of the modern-day goddess.  
Have been having a great time bonding with Dad, he is the coolest guy in the world- and I'm not just saying that because he happens to be the most powerful as well and hasn't smitten anyone for a while, honest. We have done all the usual stuff- well, some of it. I think he realised when he tried to take me to the park that this sort of thing really wasn't going to work. So we put together this little thing where he would take me around on earth and junk like that. We ended up getting on really well, we're very similar people, although I must admit I was a little annoyed when, instead of us having a fun day going and killing this bloke who killed his wife, he caught sight of the dead woman's sister and went after her instead. I had to kill the bloke myself, which wasn't a good idea, I have decided I should maybe wait until my name and face is a little better well known before I commit crimes of retribution again, the guy looked awfully annoyed. Muttered something about how you commit a really bad crime for which you'll suffer eternal damnation and torment for, and you don't even get Zeus to pick you off anymore! I declined to mention that he was at tat moment getting off with the bloke's sister-in-law. It was quite sad for me to have to kill him, he was cute, the sort of body that really makes me want to be a normal, sexed up goddess. Although killing him sort of killed that desire for me, Aphrodite would probably go in for the necrophilia scene but not me, noooo.  
Anyway, up on Mount Olympus Dad and I have been talking as well. He has been teaching me how to use my spear properly, which is cool as I do not take anyone's eye out anymore. It had gotten so bad that Hera banned me from bringing it to dinner with me after the unfortunate incident with Artemis...I swear I didn't mean to batter her with it...well, maybe a nit...but if she will persist in being so boring and coming near me! At least she doesn't anymore, hehe....  
Dad was pretty impressed though, he finds Artemis pretty dull as well, with all her morals and stuff...she disapproves of his affairs, the only other one to do that is Hera, so he has twice the nagging, plus it can't be good to have someone who reminds him of his wife whom he doesn't really like....anyway, the point being that he took me out for a drink afterwards, said that he was pretty proud of me, and that I could really go places on Olympia. He carried on drinking and drinking...he got very drunk, which is weird as he was drinking nectar like all gods do, and yet you only get drunk on it if you want to. He wanted to. Glad he did. He started slurring that he had something very special to show me, it was his pride and joy and made him what he was, opened up all these wonderful possibilities for pleasure for him. Considering the god track record with sleeping with members of their family, I was getting pretty worried by now, I mean, you can't turn down Zeus for goodness sake, even if he is your father! He staggered up and pulled me off in the direction of his secret bedroom, by which time I was feeling really sick but also- and this must be the Greek goddess longing for incest in me- I was pretty excited about it. Hey, if you're going to stop being a virgin goddess, may as well do it to a bloke who will make it a good experience...and from what I can tell, the women whom he saw while I was still inside his head quite liked it...  
But no, what he wanted to show me was his collection of thunderbolts- a bit of a relief but also an anti-climax on most fronts. He lifted them out really carefully and lovingly, I have never seen anyone so obviously in love with a material object. In a whisper he told me that I was the first person he has shown his thunderbolts to, which - I blush to admit- made me think 'awwwww' and tears well up in my eyes. He then showed me his magic shield, which was really pretty and shiny, and said that I could use it if I wanted- I was totally touched by the gesture. I picked it up, then dropped it and he didn't even shout at me, just looked at me with a sort of watery smile, then hugged me. Ok, so he squeezed my boobs as he did, but hey, you cannot expect the guy to change totally, he did give me an apologetic look. I didn't mind. Hey, I do not mind anyone who thinks I'm cute, Dad is quite picky, and it's nice to know that even as a virgin goddess there are people who wish that I wasn't...  
  
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any good? 


	4. Athens

Dear Diary,  
Today was a fun day for all involved saved uncle Poseidon, who is really annoyed at little me toady, his darling niece and stuff. At least I suppose that means I do not have to worry about his advances or anything. From what I have heard he is even worse that Zeus- leaving only poor uncle Hades as a normal one, but he is kinda creepy so I don't visit him. Mind you, even he had to kidnap and rape aunt Persephone, then trick her into living with him...ok, maybe he is not so normal. What is with these freaks all being related to me and the most powerful dudes in the whole cosmos?  
Anyway, what actually happened is more interesting than my little rant at..well, men in general I guess. These bunch of people founding this city in the Peloponnese of Mycenae, and they could not think of what to call it, being dull, stupid people. So they came up to the gods to ask for help in thinking of a sensible name, which in my opinion was a really bad idea- how were they to have guessed that I, the only sensible goddess on Mount Olympus, would be intrigued by their idea and answer their plea? Good thing I did though, or they would be stuck in a really bad situation. When both Poseidon and I offered our services in choosing a name for the new city, they came up with a contest- from then I knew that I would win, even before they said what we would have to do. It's obvious that I'm great and uncle isn't, come on. So the people of the new city said that we should both give the place a gift, and the most useful one would determine who was to be the patron of the city. So we both raked our brains for a while, although obviously it took me much less time as I'm just...well, smarted than Poseidon, if you want to know the truth and will also keep it very very quiet. For while I maintain that I am greater than Poseidon in all ways, I really don't want him to know that I think that in case he tries to challenge my belief, as, well- let's just say I am too easily persuaded in situations like that. While I know that I am one of the most powerful beings in the cosmos, at the same time I am also a bit weak and pathetic in real life.   
So, this morning uncle and I trooped out to the city, to this huge hill around which the city was built. Poseidon won the toss and so got to present his gift first, sticking his trident in the ground and making a river of water come out. Now, water being kinda important I got a little worried here, it's a pretty cool gift for a new city. But then some random guy went to drink from the water, and nearly threw up from the salt in it. That idiot of a sea god had only forgotten that he was pretty useless at creating freshwater, and what good is a load of salt water to a city, it will just kill the people, animals and crops. The people didn't laugh out loud as Poseidon is a pretty intimidating guy, and when you have seen him create a huge river out of nothing in the middle of a settlement, you wonder what else he might be up to, and whether it would be a good idea to force him to action where you might found out. So they all looked at me in desperation for some distraction as well as my gift, which couldn't do much worse than the sea water would do. I smiled regally and unveiled my pressie. They looked fairly bemused at the tree I unveiled, which annoyed me a bit until I realised that this was the first of it's kind and therefore I suppose that I can forgive them not having a clue what I was going on about. I placed the tree in the ground, then explained to them that it was an olive tree, and would sustain them for years to come. In silence they listened to me as I told them that squeezing the olives would give them an oil they could use in food and to trade, it would be hugely valuable long-term and would bring them great fortune. I also told them that the olive branch would be a symbol for peace, as the city will have the blessing of the goddess of war. They all looked really pleased and cheered, so I guess that meant they were pleased. I grinned at uncle, who just stuck two fingers up and me and disappeared, no doubt to make someone's life a misery as he likes to do as much as he can. I looked at the people and shouted out that the city would from that day be known as Athens, that they were to preserve my gift, revere my name, and build me a huge and pretty temple on the hill, full of pretty paintings and shiny things. They looked less enthusiastic, but then I guess they could not exactly change their decision and go for Poseidon now, could they? So they just put up with it.  
Zipped back home, telling anyone that I could find along the way what had happened in the contest, and that now I had my very own city. Dad was proud of me, so proud even that he insisted that we go down and see uncle Hades and aunt Persephone, to prove uncle Hades wrong as he had said that all Dad's kids were no good scumbags, although they put more business his way than anything mortals could do on their own. Personally, I think uncle needs a good holiday in the sun, all this hanging around dead people, mortals of course, all stupid mortals, can't be good for his health. He stared at me in that creepy way of his, the eyes just take you in and probably he's working out how close to death you are in his mind. He speaks really slowly and it echoes, which does creep me out as I don't hear it much, I try and avoid him. Aunt Persephone was nice enough though, she gave us some food and looked at me as though she was interested in more than increasing the population of the dead. Went home when dad and uncle started fighting over why uncle got the crappy underworld when dad got to be king of everything. It's a fair point I suppose, but I don't like him all the same! 


	5. Golden apples

Dear Diary,  
Oh my god [so would that be 'oh my father? Oh my cousin? Oh my me?'], you will never guess what out Aphrodite has gone and done? She cheated on a contest that should have been one by me, and will have managed to cause a lot of trouble in the meanwhile! She never thinks before she does something, she just wants it and does not think about it. Ok, so that might be my fault as when she took my mirror without asking and then smashed it took her wisdom out of her head and smashed it, but that is beside the point!!!!  
  
Ok, maybe I need to explain a point here. What happened was, a few years ago dad was doing his usual thing and made this woman conceive a girl- except he visited her in the shape of a swan, yeah? So she gave birth to an egg, from which this girl called Helen emerged, the most beautiful woman ever [although I still maintain that I'm cuter...]. She lived ok with her sister Clytemnestra, and they ended up marrying brothers. Clytemnestra got Agamemnon, who became King of Mycenae- a nice guy, a bit slow and devoted to duty, but he seemed ok. Helen got his younger brother Menelaus, who is actually a bit yummy [but that is besides the point] and they became the king and queen of Sparta. I popped into the wedding, which was fairly nice and stuff, they had some nice vol-u-vents and the speeches were blissfully short. Helen's cousin Penelope came, who from what I can tell is really boring, but she happened to bring her husband, Odysseus. Now this is my idea of a man- he's just about the right height for me, great build, great body, shame about the wife. I'd ask Artemis to strike her with an arrow, but we're not on speaking terms anymore...  
  
Right, that's Helen's background sorted, ok? Now, at some random wedding I had to go to [hey, I have a lot of relatives, you expect me to know who?] everyone came to this fantastic party except one person, the goddess of spite. Now, she was very annoyed about this and decided to ruin it for everyone. She got this golden apple, and attached a note saying 'for the fairest' to it, and threw this onto the main dance floor. Well, as soon as that label got spotted every goddess leapt on it, a real cat fight ensued, even Artemis was seen scratching at people and pulling at Hestia's hair...like either of them even had a chance of getting it! Now, if it had said 'for the most boring person to come into the world ever' then they might have had a better chance. As it was, the contest eventually came down to three of us...well, when I say three, what I mean is me and two other people to make it look like it was actually a contest. Hera, Aphrodite [the pretenders to my title] and I went to see dad and get him to judge which of us was the most beautiful. Well, the coward looked at us all and then his feet, and sort of mumbled that it wasn't really fair of him to judge as he thought all of us were beautiful, we were all his special girls and everything. Personally I reckon he doesn't want to offend Aphrodite and make her curse him to being unattractive to women, and Hera is down to give him some tonight, so he couldn't really do what he wanted and give me the apple. He lamely suggested that we got someone impartial to judge it, and the idea was decided that we would get the best looking mortal man to judge the contest. It was decided that this lad called Paris could do it, he is one of the Princes of Troy and he is pretty darn cute, although I can't really have a crush on him as I still haven't got over that Odysseus lad.  
  
So we went down and found this Paris, who looked a bit stunned to have three goddess swoop down on him, although he didn't die of fright or anything which you have to give him credit for. We explained the rules to him fairly simply, and he grasped them after a while, while cute he doesn't seem to have the brains blessed to even something I would give small amounts of wisdom too...I must have been exceptionally annoyed that day, and took it out on the people I was meant to be bestowing wisdom upon. That'll teach....someone. So, Paris took this opportunity to ogle three goddesses, and looked thoroughly pleased about it as well, and I couldn't even entertain the thought of smiting him for it [for more than a few moments until I remembered we had asked him to- hey, the temptation is always there, ok? I have a problem...] Aphrodite gave him a little wink and Hera a coy little wave, I just glared at him and made a pointed gesture with my spear. He winced, so that message penetrated even his thick skull. He asked to take us one by one off, so he could examine us better and from all angles. Can't really contest that, can you? So he took off Hera first, about ten minutes later she came back with a smile on her face and gestured for me to go and see Paris. As soon as I was stood in front of him he asked nervously if there was any chance of a naked viewing, I think my stare pretty much answered that one for him. Anyway, I thought that Hera and Aphrodite would cheat so I thought that a little...persuasion might be in order, so I offered to let him be the best soldier in the world, and he would ever loose a battle. He looked pretty intrigued, so I thought it, combined with that I am hot, would win me the contest . Went back through to Aphrodite, sent her through with a little smirk of my own, earning me a suspicious look from her. When she and Paris came back I stood confidently, sure I would be the winner. But noooooo, Paris and Aphrodite have some little scheme going on and she got picked as winner- and you could tell from the little wink she gave Paris just before he gave her the apple that she knew he would pick her.   
  
Later on found out from dad what she had given him in return...the love of the most beautiful woman hin the world, Helen of Sparta, my half sister. Except that she is already married to Menelaus, which is a problem as when Paris and Aphrodite went to see the couple, Paris stayed with them and then stole Helen away to Troy. Now Helen's other suitors other than Menelaus, who all swore to serve Menelaus once after he won Helen's hand in marriage. Men, why can't they make simple agreements?! So they're all trooping off to Troy to fetch Helen back, and as goddess of war I have to go and keep an eye on them, with that idiot Ares. The only consolation is that Odysseus should be coming as well, he was one of the suitors, yay!  
  
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people like? I took the advice to upgrade the rating to a PG, have tried to tone it down though as I really don't want it to go any further, I think Green myths should be accessible and stuff....but I have no idea how you would write about them without mentioning sex a lot...if you don't like never read some of the earlier myths, hehe 


	6. Ilium

Dear Diary,  
this stupid war has been going on for ten years now, I haven't really been updating this diary as what can you say? 'Dear diary, I sat around today and watched a bunch of blokes make noises at each other pretending that they're tough, when they'd much rather laze around in their tents when it comes down to actual fighting. Odysseus still very cute' several thousand times over? They have just been sat outside Troy for the past ten years doing nothing except occasionally going onto a battlefield and waving their swords at each other. Blergh. The only thing close to a decent hero there was this lad Achilles, the son of the sea nymph Thetis, and all round nice bloke who when his honour was offended he refused to come back even when they offered a big pile of cash. Good lad, after my own heart. But he got killed as his daft mother had a slight oversight when she was protecting him. She dipped him in the River Styx, the river of the dead, so that these bits of his body could not be harmed in battle...but of course, she had to be holding him by his ankle, so his heel didn't touch the water. Why should couldn't have set him back upright on land and then got him to dip his foot in is beyond me, perhaps I should have arranged for extra wisdom to be given to her.  
  
But Achilles, he was the best fighter and he has a nice backside, so he was one of my little favourites. But his best mate Patroclus got killed by Hector, and Achilles swore to take his revenge on Hector. Thetis came to tell him that there were two paths that he could now take. He could either go and kill Hector and die himself soon after and his name would be sung throughout the ages, or he could leave there and then, live out his life in happiness and die an old man, and his name would be forgotten. He chose the first option and was shot by Paris in the heel with a poisoned arrow from the Trojan battlements. What a waste of life- this, from the goddess of war as well!  
  
I got sick of all this waste, so decided to come up with some idea to stop the whole thing. I got my little baby Odysseus to think that he had thought of it, but of course it was mine. I tried to make him have some input, just suggesting that he should consider building a wooden statue of some creature which the Trojans would take into their city as a peace-offering. See, artistic input here, he could have picked any sort of animal, what does he choose? Well, let us just say that I was not impressed that upon having this stroke of genius, he thought that a wooden fly would do the job. Sometimes I despair. I changed it to a horse, sod what he wants to do, if you want something done right....anyway, all these Greeks piled into it and it got taken in to Troy, upon which they all leapt out, killed the guards and opened the gates to the Greek army. The rest, well, just ask any bard passing, I am sure they will be able to tell you better than me [I was staring at Odysseus, come on!]  
  
So, now all my sweethearts are going home and I won't have any war to look after. They're all setting off tonight, so should be home fairly soon unless something really bad happens to them...hmm, sadistic goddess nature wonders what I could do...no! Restrain me from kidnapping Odysseus and taking him to Olympus and stuff. Yum....  
  
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yes, short and boring this time, sorry. I am a bit sketchy on the Iliad at best, and...it's hard to write nicely about a war, or amusingly. Just get this over and done with, should be able to have some fun with the Odyssey, I know it a bit better and hey, it's funny in it's own right [just don't tell Homer I said that....] 


	7. Post-Ilium

Dear Diary,   
Well, I have finally managed to catch my breath, put my feet up and relax for the first time in a few years- although Hestia still complained that I don't put in enough hours at the office, weirdo. She's trying to convince Zeus to give out time cards where we have to punch in and out, abut as we're all actually really lazy none of us like this idea, so I got Hermes to fly them over the sea and drop them. Stupid idea. Even Zeus looked nervous, Hestia is the only one of us that ever does any real work, I think. Even my work is, at least at the moment, just a chance to go and have a look at little Odysseus.  
  
Hmm, the dudes from Troy are having a bit of trouble getting home. A lot of it is their own fault...well, it's my fault directly, if you want to be petty, but it was their fault that I had to do it! It hurt me more than it hurt them...or possibly not, you never know. As they were going to leave Troy, Menelaus and Agamemnon got into an argument about whether they should make a sacrifice to me, to ensure good fortune and stuff. I think they should have done, as did Agamemnon, Menelaus didn't, with a confused expression pointing out that I really had nothing to do with the sea. Ok, so he is right but that is beside the point, I don't like people to talk like that, they might discover I am scared of uncle Poseidon and stuff...  
  
  
Anyway, Menelaus and Helen decided to be really stupid and not make any sort of sacrifice to anyone upon leaving, which was just the stupidest thing ever, I hope that they knew that. They didn't seem to realise that this really was a bad thing, were all happy and talking about what they were going to when they got back to Sparta, and I thought that this was real cocky. They were saying they should take a holiday together where they could hang around and get to know each other again...in a great show of godlike temper at the pair of them, they got blown off course into Egypt. I reckon that seven years there should be a pretty good holiday, don't you? Helen actually looked quite pleased to be there, I suppose Sparta isn't the nicest of places, plus in Troy I think she got to hear about all the drugs that are available in Egypt...not that I have ever tried them [really, gods can't have stuff like that] but Menelaus looked fairly annoyed- I guess they guy spent ten years away getting his wife back, and then as soon as he does he can't get home! Not that I feel sorry for him or anything, I think...seven years there should teach him. or even if he learns after about two months, he can stay there for seven years as it will amuse me!  
  
And poor Agamemnon, well, this one was nothing down to me, honest! There is only so much that a goddess can do, even if she rocks as much as I do. He got home to find that Clytemnestra has shacked up with a new bloke called Aegisthus. Now, not that this guy isn't nice or anything, but he is Agamemnon's cousin for a start! As soon as Agamemnon was away, Aegisthus moved in. Clytemnestra held out for a while, was the nice loyal chick she should be and everything, but then she got bored and lonely [I know how that feels at least!] so the dozy women went for Aegisthus, who is pretty much a catch, I have to admit. Certainly got more brains than Agamemnon, who upon arriving home after ten years assumed that nothing would have changed in the palace situation. Arrogance if you ask me, and you should as I am the goddess of wisdom and will know these things. And I know enough about men as well- I spent the first part of my life inside the head of one! Agamemnon called a big parade to welcome himself home, marched himself and his men into the palace without a second thought, not even 'why the hades is my cousin here, and what is Clytemnestra doing shoving that weapon down her dress?'. Although they were pretty bad about it, Clytemnestra and Aegisthus, they sat all the men down for a feast, and then to get them out of the way, simply attacked and massacred them all while the men were eating. Now, I'm the goddess of war, so I have seen a lot of dead men, killed for no reason and junk, but this sickened even me. Poor blokes. Clytemnestra didn't even have the respect to close Agamemnon's eyes or anything. Ok, he wasn't my favourite bloke, towards the end of Troy he and my Odysseus didn't really get along, but he really didn't deserve this. Zeus has ordered all the gods to tun their backs on Clytemnestra, and my little revenge is that by wisdom she will go down in history as the worst woman ever. She and Helen, what a pair- Ares was going past and called them the 'curse of the House of Atreus' and I think it might be the first thing he has ever said that made some sense, rather than making me want to hit him.  
  
Odysseus had an even worse time getting home- well, he isn't even there yet! It's been three whole years since he left Troy, but now he's shacked up with some semi-goddess called Calypso..now, what does she have that I don't? Apart from actual availability, of course...for a diary you can be quite picky sometimes. Odysseus was allowed to leave Troy ok, but as soon as he nearly got home he got blown off course, which I don't think he was very happy about, to be honest. It has been a hard job keeping him alive for the past few years, I can tell you. In fact, so hard that I might take a little sleep now and tell you about the rest tomorrow. Promise.  
  
  
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*winces* very bad I know....sorry, another more filler thing while I work on the next chapter more. Highly unrefined as it was written at some obscene hour in the morning during an insomnia attack. 


	8. Polyphemus and Osysseus- they don't make...

Dear Diary,   
Well, I actually slept last night, which was good. Although I awoke and realised that I still have the problem of Odysseus to deal with, which sucks. I really want to help him, but he keeps messing things up for himself, it's just...men! They can't do anything for themselves, they always need you to be watching out for them.  
  
Odysseus set off fine from Troy, even stopping to raid a city on the way back- which is a bit cocky I suppose, but he wanted some gold to prove that there was actually a point to all the men going and sitting outside Troy doing nothing for ten years. It's fine them being aware that that is what they have done, quite another for the women left at home to realise the exercises in protecting them from the barbarian Trojans and stuff was just sitting around playing games all day. After this he took a little stop off on the Island of the Lotus-Eaters, which is a charming little island where all they do is eat this lotus plant and do absolutely nothing in terms of work. This sounds ok, but not quite as good as being at home and stuff, despite the fact that many of the men wanted to stay- I think that maybe I will have a word with Zeus and get rid of that plant, maybe then I'll implant the suggestion that it was only ever a legend, the humans of the future can't be that smart that they will see through it [believe me, I know. I went scrying. After seeing the things that they caused- the nuclear bomb, the Holocaust, the Crusades and McDonalds- I am positive they're totally stupid]  
  
However, this was when his luck started to really run out even more. After sailing for a while, the men caught sight of land. They made for it, which I guess is understandable. Unfortunately, it's the land that belongs to the Cyclopes, those huge dudes with only one eye in the middle of their forehead. The leader of them is called Polyphemus, he's the son of Poseidon which makes him my cousin *shudders* I suppose it goes to show you certainly can't pick your family. If you could, I think I would have picked some normal family in Athens or something, farmers, whatever- hey, they might be mortal, boring and practically slaves, but they have a slight chance of being normal!  
  
So, the men are all on the island, they find the cave of Polyphemus and there are some cool goodies inside and stuff, some cheese and goats. I made sure that Polyphemus would lose his wisdom for just long enough to hang outside trying to remember what he was meant to be doing to allow the men to go in, grab some supplies and get the hell out of there. But ohhhhh no, Mr. Odysseus with his idiotic idea of honour and his good reputation and his list for wealth and his really nice backside...sorry, got distracted for a moment from the point that I am actually really annoyed with him! He is just a bigger idiot than I thought that he could be sometimes, and I have to bail him out by making him use that brain that I gave him. He decides that, after having broken the guest-laws by stealing from a potential host, his host [the Cyclopes- just consider how stupid the rest is going to sound] will, for some reason, obey the guest-laws and give him a pressie. Now, I am all for heroes trying to increaser their wealth and everything, and this is one of the cool ways that requires little to no effort from the person themselves [making it the best ever way of getting rich!] hmm, why Odysseus ever thought that Polyphemus would do this is totally beyond me- and I am the goddess of wisdom- I know everything!  
  
When Polyphemus came back to the cave, Odysseus came out and actually asked him for his pressie. I mean, no last minute doubts at asking this HUGE creature with only one eye, who takes after his father in terms of looks [or lack of] for a gift after nicking his sheep and cheese. The only good thing he managed was to lie about his name, he said that his name was metis, or nobody, as I think it would be. He actually managed to make a play on word as well, respect, as me tis means the cunning, the deceiver so at this moment of danger he also managed to give himself a cool name that would sound wicked in the future.  
  
Polyphemus ate some of his men, which really was a nasty thing to do, Odysseus didn't seem to care that it was due to his staying in the cave in the first place was the reason that their guest-gift was an early journey to Hades. Polyphemus does know about the guest-laws though, he said that because Odysseus had been so desperate to get a pressie then he would indeed give him one- he's eat him last out of all the men. Now, this isn't exactly what I would call a good gift, it doesn't seem like Polyphemus was giving his all to think of a cool pressie here. So, Odysseus had *another* good idea, which, unsurprisingly came from me [but I let him think that he thought of it, to try and give him a confidence boost, and to let him know that he does have the capability to think for himself, and good ideas are not always the worst way to go]  
  
Polyphemus got highly drunk and fell asleep, although I got the god of sleep to make sure he stayed that way- hoping of course that Odysseus would behave and do the right thing this time. It would have been all I needed to have him cling onto the idea of getting a pressie, even though he knew that what Polyphemus had in mind was not the best gift in the entire world. Maybe in his world it makes sense to think that when a cyclops tells you that the pressie he will give you is to eat you last, he actually means that he will give you a big pile of cash, some slaves and a house in the country. Or maybe Odysseus is just stupid. All brawn and no brains, as they say. I wonder if he is related to Ares...?  
  
While Polyphemus slept, Odysseus took a branch of olive wood and heated it in the fire, so it was both pointy and hot. Hmm, not a good combination. Afer today's events I felt that hi IQ probably fell below the recommended minimum age, and was going to confiscate it- but before I had the chance [come on, I was watching from Olympus, it takes me a little time to get places, y'know] he had done it. Sealed his own fate. Without doing this I could have had him home within a month. As it is now...I really do not know, it is out of my hands now. He blinded the cyclops. As soon as he did I just fell to the floor, and I heard this huge shout from one very p***** off Poseidon. I went and hid under my blankets for a while, until he calmed down. Taking my scrying crystal of course, have to keep up with events. I am like his big sister...big sister is watching you! Hehe. Rather be his girlfriend, but you can't have everything...and hey, in my family, big sister can amount to girlfriend if you want it to!  
  
Polyphemus ran around like a maniac bellowing, and for once Odysseus actually came good from his own idea- although I might claim it, don't want these humans thinking that they have unlimited free will or anything. When the other Cyclopes came, Odysseus and his men stayed nice and hidden, and I had the slight pleasure of hearing Polyphemus insist that 'No Body hurt me! No Body is in this cave and going to hurt me again!' Poseidon let out a scream of anguish just as much when he realised what a stupid son he has fathered. Hehehehe. Suddenly Odysseus seems like he could enter MENSA, well, he could if he lived about 3,500 years into the future. Thanks for pointing that out. I do not like your attitude.  
  
The next day Polyphemus let out his sheep to graze, and Odysseus and his men grabbed underneath his sheep and escaped. The cyclops felt on top of the sheep but didn't think to feel underneath them- again, stupid [like father like son] They all got out, back to the ship, and set sail as fast as they could. But then Odysseus, for some reason, felt the need to shout back to Polyphemus everything he needed to trace him- his name, address, where he was going, e-mail address, evening telephone number....oh, sorry, so far the Internet only covers Olympus, silly me. Shh, you didn't read that, it's not down to exist for, again, several thousand years!  
  
So now uncle Poseidon hates Odysseus, and swears that he will never get home whilst he can help it. This makes my job a bit harder, to say the least. Oh well, I knew it wouldn't be easy, falling for such a wonderful, cute guy...reality check, sorry!  
  
Well, with my now ever harder job, I shall sign out now and hopefully he'll still be alive the next time that I write. Bye! 


	9. Circe

Dear Diary,   
Well, a lot can happen to a hero whom a god has a grudge against, I am beginning to notice. Poseidon really should be able to wreck as much damage on Odysseus when Zeus has said that he shouldn't, but it is only recently that Zeus has started to assert his power as anything more than a weather god, and Poseidon is not taking it well, he just ignores it really. Bah, it's totally unfair but there you go.  
  
Well, after leaving the Land of the Cyclopes Odysseus and his men found themselves a bit stuck for ideas, and they landed themselves on the Island of Aeolia, home of the wind god Aeolus. As he was a good host, he observed the guest laws and helped them back to Ithaka by giving them a bag of the wind that would otherwise blow them off course. A pretty good pressie if I do say so myself, I guess that the fact the Polyphemus incident had not put him off asking for pressies was a good thing. Odysseus the men not to open the bag under any circumstances, and then they set off home. In sight of Ithaka, Odysseus was sure that nothing could go wrong [big mistake] and so he went to sleep. Meanwhile, the men had decided that he was hiding some valuable treasure in the bag, and while he slept they opened the bag and, ironically, it blew them straight back to Aeolus! He was shocked to see them back again, and when Odysseus explained what had happened, Aeolus decided that the gods must hate Odysseus and that he wasn't going to help him anymore. The guest laws laid down by dad say that you have to help someone get to their next destination, but if you do and they blow it, it isn't up to you to sort it out for them, you owe them nothing a second time around. So Odysseus was in sight of his home and then it all got messed up, and I sighed as I realised how hard getting him home in one piece really was going to be.  
  
So, next stop the land of the Laestrygonians. A lovely people if I do say so myself, who still have that charming habit of cannibalism. Odysseus didn't know this and sent his ships into their harbour...but, and this is a big but, he didn't send his own in, he left one outside the harbour, almost as though he knew that there was going to be something bad that happened to the ones inside. He can't have done though, surely? He would have kept the other ones outside too...wouldn't he? The land turned out not to be friendly and the Laestrygonians chased after them, capturing some of the men. Others got to their ships that were moored in the harbour- but the Laestrygonians stoned the ships and drowned the men, all save the ones that manned Odysseus' ship, which was safely outside. Once more, Odysseus had successfully managed to get a large amount of his men killed- I would say at least 800 of them, in one incident where he knew something was wrong anyway. There seems to be something wrong with him, I am not at all happy with this! If he wasn't so cool and wonderful then I might even get annoyed at him. well, I'll make a promise then, I will observe but not help him in the next amount of trouble that he gets into, whatever or with whomever it is.   
  
Odysseus and his men sailed for a bit and eventually they found themselves upon an island owned by a witch named Circe. Odysseus sent some of his men to scout the area first, and they met Circe- to cut a long story short, she turned them all into pigs, as I think that she thinks it's fun. Obviously the poor girl doesn't get many visitors, being that lonely can be hard on a girl. When the men didn't come back more were sent, and Odysseus was going to go with them and get turned into a pig himself until Hermes was sent to intervene. He gave Odysseus a moly plant that would stop the spell working on him, and told him that he needed to get Circe into bed with him, then act like he was going to kill her, and she would be so scared that she would behave and turn his men back into people.  
  
Essentially, this happened and you do not want to know all the boring details of what happened. However, after a while Odysseus again turned his attention to getting home [after he had gotten over his luck at landing on an island inhabited by a love starved demi-goddess] Circe told him that the only way he would get home was by consulting the dead Theban prophet Teriesias....yes, you heard right, the DEAD prophet. No, I agree that Circe is actually quite crazy. Not only is Teriesias dead but he's also a real idiot, I don't know what possessed her to think of him as a sensible thing to do! All preparations were made to send Odysseus down to Hades, if he makes it [which somehow I think he will, even if I have to beg uncle Hades and aunt Persephone to let him in] The night before they left there was a big party held by Circe, and one of his men got very drunk and fell asleep on the roof that night. The next morning he was startled awake by the call to leave, forgot that he was on the roof and fell, breaking his neck and dying. Odysseus didn't actually notice that this lad was missing, which doesn't really say much for his observational skills does it?!  
  
Circe had given Odysseus strict instructions about how he would be able to talk to ghosts in Hades, and I have to say it was one of the saddest things that I have ever had to watch. The first ghost that he met there was that of his fallen comrade that had died that very day, begging Odysseus to go back to Circe's island and bury him, that he might enter the afterlife instead of remain in limbo for the rest of eternity. Being dead isn't much fun anyway, but you may as well do it properly- being excluded for all eternity from all the other dead people must really suck, even ants get into Hades proper! Odysseus also spoke to his mother Anticleia, he didn't even know that she was dead but she had passed away from grief a while before, losing the will to live without her beloved son. Odysseus also spoke to the prophet, who as I suspected didn't really tell him anything useful, although he did mention how he should placate Poseidon, which is always useful to know.  
  
After talking to the crazy man for a bit, Odysseus caught up with some of his mates for m he Trojan War- again, many that he did not know were dead. Agamemnon was dead, of course, and he and Odysseys shared many sad word. The famed Achilles was there, lamenting the lust for glory that had led him to an early death- as he said, he would rather have been a slave to a slave but alive than in his current position as a prince among the dead. At times like this I lament that there is a concept of war for me to be goddess of. Odysseus even met Herakles, who recognised him, but then was forced to leave as aunt Persephone was getting annoyed- Odysseus was traipsing mud over her nice clean floor.  
  
Going back to Circe's, the men buried the fallen comrade and laid him in a burial mound with his oar atop. Circe then told Odysseus how to get home, that he would have to face the Sirens, then the monster Scylla or the whirlpool Charybdis, or if they were feeling extra suicidal then they could try to get through the clashing rocks like Jason and the Argo. Odysseus stayed with Circe for a year, until his men decided that really they should be trying to get home, and Odysseus blushed and tried to pretend that all those months he had been thinking about Penelope instead of Circe, really... 


	10. Scylla and the Sirens

Dear Diary,  
Well, since leaving Circe Odysseus had managed to have some more fun and games for us to manage, which is really nice of him. I am getting a bit sick of this to be honest.  
Odysseus claimed the honour of being the first man ever to hear the call of the Sirens and survive, down to a little clever idea inspired by yours truly. He filled the ears of his men with wax, then explained that he wanted to be tied to the mast tightly, so that he could not get away, and if he were to struggle they were to tie him more tightly. Then he realised that with ears full of wax the men didn't have a clue what he was saying, so they removed it was he explained the plan again. Amazingly it actually worked out that way, the odds would suggest he would find some way to mess it up, but no, not a single dead man on his crew- I think he was a bit disappointed really, it breaks somewhat with his tradition. I think that the crew were somewhat confused though, and with good reason- this was without precedent, and they must have wondered just what Odysseus was playing at, what he was going to do to them in order to make up for the lack of death on the journey. I was rather confused too, and I usually know about everything that is going on!  
  
Of the way to go, well, there really isn't much between any of the ways to go, people are going to die whichever. Odysseus did decide, however, that to face certain death with Charybdis or the crashing rocks was probably worse than facing six of his men dying with Scylla, one for each of her tentacle-things. Nasty creature. But this best of a bad three, as it were. Sailed past her fine, well...she grabbed six men who screamed as they went to a horrible death of being eaten alive, but they were past and would have been ok. But no, Odysseys decides that he should not sail past Scylla without mounting some sort of manly challenge on her, so he made the rowers stop while he out on his armour. Scylla ate all six men then looked down in surprise at the ship that was still there. So she grabbed herself some more dinner and looked really quite pleased about it too! I-D-I-O-T Odysseus!  
  
Finally escaping that with some men alive [is it just me or did he look a little annoyed at that?!] and they landed on Hyperion's island, the sun god. Circe had warned Odysseus and his men not to eat the cattle on there if they wanted to get home in one piece. Eventually though they got too hungry and it took over them so much that when Odysseus fell asleep, they slaughtered some of the poor 'ickle cows and ate them. Needless to say Hyperion was not happy, and when you've annoyed two very important gods...well, you're done for really, not much else to say. Not much even I can do to help you, and if the goddess of wisdom doesn't know what to do then you know that there really isn't anything to be done.  
  
So, Odysseus still set off hoping that Hyperion would somehow not notice some of his pets were dead, or perhaps that he would be kind and understanding about it. Being a goddess myself, I can tell you that neither of those scenarios are ever really going to happen. We're vengeful nasty people when we want to be, and we often want to be as we find it funny. But enough of that.   
  
Poseidon whipped up a deadly storm once the men set off- and believe me, if there is one thing that uncle can do it's storms, the sort that really leave you cowering under your bed and praying [to yourself, yes] that it will all go away. Or is that just me? Shhh, I never said those things, you can't prove it! All Odysseus' men were killed, and he was left floating in the ocean for ages more. Eventually, he landed upon the island of Ogygia [why it could not have a sensible name I do not know], home of the nymph Calypso, daughter of Atlas who holds up the world. Now, she fell instantly in love with my little baby, and decided to keep him on her island for as long as she could- and this was fine by Poseidon and Hyperion, as while he is there he won't be at home, will he? They might have been slightly more annoyed if they had found out that calypso was offering to make Odysseus immortal, so they would have had to out up with him forever. Cute as he is, I don't think even I would want there- there are only so many people in the world, and he seems to have an uncanny knack for killing lots of them even by accident! Calypso claimed to him that she had no way of helping him on to Ithaka [liar!] and kept him there as her, essentially, her sex-slave.  
  
By day he would sit on the beach, crying and sighing for his home; by night he slept with a goddess. Hmm, it's not such a bad life, it seems. I didn't ever go and visit him of course- I do not want to be reminded of what I can never have. For seven years he remained on the island, without any of the other gods raising a voice to help him. After all these years though I realised that he really should be getting home now, to his wife Penelope and his son Telemachus, who was only a baby when he left but by now must be, hmm, early twenties I suppose. Poseidon went to Ethiopia to receive a sacrifice, and I made my move to Zeus, asking him to send Hermes to order Calypso to let Odysseus go. Zeus agreed, again seeing I think that we had to do something, and better to make sure that Poseidon isn't there when you do....So Hermes went, and ordered Calypso to do this, and she eventually agreed, though not without having a rant about not being allowed to keep him as her plaything. Nymphs, all the same. She gave him tools to build a boat, and clothes and food for the voyage back to Ithaka.  
  
Well, now comes the hard part where I get back to business, and I think that it shall be left to another day, farewell! 


	11. Nostoi

Sorry, there will be less detail here now as I want to try and finish the whole fic in 12 chapters, and I have a nice idea for how the last one will go. So no criticism due to lack of detail please, there is a reason!  
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Dear Diary,  
Coming near to the end of my Odyssey saga, and really towards the end of my crush as well, I have to say. Over the 20 years he has done some pretty bad thing, I am not sure that I could love a man who is just so...so like Odysseus has become.  
  
After Zeus agreed to order Calypso to let him go, I went to Ithaka myself to see how Penelope and Telemachus were getting along. Not good, as it turns out. 108 blokes have taken up residence in their house, all wanting to marry Penelope, for which they will become King of Ithaka. Gods only know how, Penelope is the Spartan princess but I suppose these Greeks have never been too good about working this sort of stuff out. It's not even like she's that nice or anything, she old enough to be their mother and everything! Some of them are fairly cute though, but Penelope is being most loyal to her husband, presumed dead, and not taking any of them up on their offer. Telemachus is right annoyed at it all, gone through the awkward teenage years with no dad to sympathise with him, and never able to bring a girl home secretly- with 108 blokes in the house you're never going to get away with it, are you?   
  
Penelope tried to keep the suitors at bay for three years by saying that she had to weave a shroud for Laertes, the old king of Ithaka and the father of Odysseus. It seems strange that he was the king before Odysseys, when it was marrying Penelope that made Odysseus king-and if Laertes is still alive, how on earth did Odysseus become kind? These human things confuse me, so answers on a papyrus to 'Athene c/o Mount Olympus, Greece' Anyway, she would weave the shroud by day and unpick it by night, until the nasty servant Melantho told the suitors what she was up to. I am shocked that they hadn't worked it out before then- I mean, who takes three years to weave a shroud, let alone one that has not a stich more on it three years later than it did at the start?  
  
I visited Telemachus disguised as an old family friend, Mentes. He received me well, and I started thinking about how to increase his reputation and self-belief, for an eventual plan to set things to rights when Odysseus came home. Telemachus is a bit of a pale, pasty youth, ache rampant and seems a bit unaccustomed to the size of his body like it doesn't quite fit- the normal teenager/young person, I suppose. Being born straight from your father's head fully grown has some advantages, it seems, I managed to avoid all this nastiness. As Mentes, I told Telemachus to visit some of Odysseus' old friends- Nestor at Pylos and Menelaus at Sparta, asking them had they seen his Dad, and if not he was to come back and remarry his mother to one of the suitors. Broke my heart to let him thing his father was dead, his eyes went all dull and sad, like a kicked puppy. Odysseus' dog Argus was still there, alive, barely- he lay on a dung-heap in the corner, waiting only for the dread hand of death to claim him from a life spent mourning the loss of his master. Telemachus did as I said, and when he came home he was indeed more of a man than before.  
  
Meanwhile, Odysseus had left Calypso and set sail for Ithaka. Poseidon saw and yes, you guessed it, stuck his nose in again to mess things up, again causing a shipwreck. Odysseus drifted for days and was about to be killed on some rocks when I told him to cling to some- silly beggar didn't manage it, and I had to get my mate Ino the White Goddess to help him in the more fool-proof method of physically instructing him. He was washed up on Phaeacia, where the princess Nausicaa found him and took him back to her father's palace. King Alcinous put on all sorts of games and competitions for him, and eventually asked his story- and Odysseus obliged, telling the story as I tell you now. Though perhaps he was slightly kinder to himself and didn't put so much emphasis on how stupid he was. Alcinous arranged for the Phaeacians to take him home, and finally, after 20 years away, a sleeping Odysseus was laid back on Ithaka, and I was incredibly relieved. Poseidon was very annoyed- nothing more he could do to harm Odysseus now- and turned the Phaeacian ship into stone just before it entered their harbour. Meanie.  
  
Now, Odysseus was all for just marching straight back to his palace and claiming it back- although 108 blokes in there are just going to slighter you if you do that, so I made him stop. Disguised him as a beggar while he worked out what the situation was, and then set about getting first Telemachus onto his side. The plan eventually hatched that Odysseus, Telemachus and I, plus another member of the household, slaughtered all 108 suitors ourselves, along with the priest who had served them. The disloyal servants Odysseus told Telemachus to execute, meaning clean beheading, or so I would have though. Disturbingly, Telemachus took them all and hanged them in a line- quite disturbing from a child, that he did this. Even Odysseus was a little upset by this, can't be nice to see what a bloodthirsty monster your child is. Penelope was reunited with Odysseus, and they lived happily ever after :)  
  
Odysseus then went to unite himself with his father, the half-mad with grief Laertes. In the orchard at first Odysseus pretended that he was not really Odysseus, just someone who had seen him- he was so used to lying by now it came naturally. Laertes cried, it was so sad, Odysseus then told him who he really was and everything was ok, but still....I have never made Zeus cry, except the one time I cleaned his thunderbolts with rocks...well come on, it wasn't my fault, Ares told me that was how Hestia would do it if she could...  
  
So now it's all worked out. Maybe someone else one day will write it all down like I have, and millions of people can read it or something. Be forced to read it by people who study Greece at this time, even though they would probably be better reading about the actual Trojan War...and Odysseus is a hero, when he shouldn't be, he's just a stupid, nasty man who happened to have a goddess fall in love with him. 


	12. The End

Dear Diary,  
This shall be my last entry. No longer shall I write to you in words that stretch across the boundary of time and mortal life, what remains to me shall go unrecorded and unknown, for it will matter little anymore.  
  
For hundreds of years, the Greeks worshipped us and we looked after them, the gods on Olympus making sure that life ran right, doing more than people sometimes give us credit for. But now, now, they have given up the faith and we have no energy left to do anything. Power comes from belief, conviction- they believed that we could help them, and this meant that we could. Burt now it is lost, the ages fall and we mean little to any of them anymore. Our names will be forgotten, or our existence- there will be stories told, but none shall ever believe in the true existence of Hermes the giant-killer, of Athene of the flashing eyes, of earthshaking Poseidon- those days are gone.  
  
As immortals, I am not sure whether we can die- whether our bodies will live on bereft of strength or power, simply shells that live in agony and nothingness, or be allowed to crumble and return to whence we came. The souls of those in Hades roam free and Hades and dread Persephone lie unable to contain them- will we be allowed to live out our deaths there? None of us know.  
  
For myself, I shall not suffer as we are now, I shall not live out eternity in misery. I shall sleep now, a long sleep that may last until the world is destroyed and even immortals must die. Or maybe, maybe, I shall awaken in the future when the power of belief is back, when I shall rise again and Pallas Athene, bright-eyed Athene, Athene of the flashing eyes, may rise to her glory again. Maybe the day shall never come. I pray it shall.  
  
  
Whatever happens, whatever my future may hold, I implore you of only one thing while I sleep in my eternal rest. Do not forget my name, or that of my sisters and brothers, or what we did. Tell the stories that we helped to forge, listen to the songs, marvel at the wonders of the world that we knew...and never let the fire of our memory burn out.  
  
~~~~~~~~  
This fic could have gone on forever, so I am trying to let it out at a decent length and with some respectability. If anyone asks I might rewrite some myths as separate fics, I doubt anyone will want but never mind. Sorry it wasn't funny towards the end, there isn't much to work with comedy style with much death, it sucks. I hope this last chapter was ok, I liked the idea of going out seriously for a change- the idea if slightly nicked from Discworld, the power of belief, and a bit from the Arthurian myths of resurrected heroes and kings when the time is right. Thanks for the people who have read and reviewed this, I hoped you enjoyed it, it's been fun. 


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